Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Home At Last 10/28/2005

Well, the Ivy family is at last home and complete. Adelina Joy Ivy is zonked out on a mattress on the floor of our bedroom, and Jodi is just about asleep. There’s going to be… well, a lot of adjusting to do.

Adelina loves the cats. And she’s terrified of them. We had to shut them in a bedroom just so we could get her bathed and in bed, or she would have run around all night long, pointing at the cats, cackling, and then running away as soon as they make a move in her direction.

Tomorrow I’m staying home from work, and I’m sure Adelina will be chasing the cats all around the house. We’ll go check out the neightborhood park, and maybe visit some neighbors if Adelina’s feeling up to it.

Wow. What an adeventure we’ve just begun.

(3)…2…1…blastoff! 7/22/2005

Week 50 is coming to a close, and our departure is in just TWO days! I’m not going to bother listing what we did this week because anyone who has taken a trip abroad knows it is too much to list. Planning an Adoption and all the preparations needed for a new child in the house is yet another lengthy list. Needless to say, we’ve been busy busy busy!!

I am now home from work and managed to close everything out there with minimal hiccups. Everyone was very encouraging and supportive and I made many promises to bring our child in for “show and tell” as soon as feasible once we get back. I believe Steve has done a similar work close-out and is on his way home. We now have just under 48 hours to get completely ready to walk out the door to later return completely different people with a whole new look to our family!

For those who want details regarding what’s ahead for us, here is a summary of the adoption process in Ukraine:

1. We meet with the NAC (that’s National Adoption Center) on July 27 where we will be shown files for children that are available for adoption by foreigners (minimum age 15 months). If we can find a match, we can move on. If not, we will schedule a second appointment and try again. This might be necessary because of the poor availability of young children right now. We know that God already has a child picked out for us, so it is our prayer that we will be matched to that child on our first appointment. 2. We must get approval to meet the child and then proceed to the region where the child is living (in an orphanage or children’s home). We then get more permissions so we will be allowed to meet the Director of the Orphanage to discuss the child’s file, health, prognosis, etc. If we still desire to meet the child after this meeting, then we will be permitted to do so. 3. We have up to a week to decide if we wish to adopt this child. During this time, we can interact with the child, ask more questions about his or her health and background, have doctors evaluate the child and the medical records, and so on. 4. Once the decision is made, you notify the orphanage that you wish to proceed with the adoption OR you compose a rejection of referral letter that has to be filed and also taken to the NAC and used to request a new appointment. In reality, these days you can only reject a referral for medical and health reasons; for example, if a child is sicker than you were led to believe and you feel you are unable to address the child’s needs. Our prayer is that the child we visit will be the child God intends for us, but some families do find that their first referral is not “the one” and find their own child the second time around. 5. Once you say “yes” you proceed with the adoption, which consists of quite a bit of paperwork on both ends (ours and theirs) all of which eventually leads you to court, where it goes before a judge to decide if you are fit to be the parents of this little Ukrainian citizen and that your adopting him or her is in the child’s best interests. This paperwork to court process can take anywhere from a few days to 3 weeks. 6. “Gotcha Day” is the day you have court and the judge declares the child officially yours! This is a day I can only dream of right now and can hardly comprehend may be a reality in a very short time!! But, believe it or not, the process doesn’t end there. 7. There can be an immediate execution of the adoption, which means the child can be taken home as soon as all the necessary paperwork has been processed OR the judge can legally impose a 30-day wait before the adoption decree can be executed. We pray this does not happen in our case, but God is in charge! 8. More paperwork has to be completed before we can take full ownership of the child. Once it is completed, we pick him or her up from the orphanage and proceed back to Kiev. I think this part is just a day or two for paperwork and then time for the necessary travel arrangements to be made. 9. Back in Kiev, before we can depart for home, we still have to have the child reviewed by a doctor specially approved by the US Embassy. We then have an interview at the embassy for processing of the child’s immigration visa, which is of course permission for us to bring a child into the U.S. and for that child to be declared a US citizen upon arrival. 10. We buy our return tickets and bring our new family member HOME!!!!!

Moments of Terror: I had a really neat picture the other day as I was thinking about how scary all of this is. I was praying about it and acknowledging some of the many fears I have to God. I felt like He gave me a beautiful picture of a mother soothing a frightened and upset child, reassuring the child that she will protect him and he has nothing to fear. I identify with this picture of course, because I soon expect to be this mother, comforting and consoling a confused and heretofore lonely child. But what He wanted me to understand is how tightly He is holding us through all of this and how securely we can rest in Him. We have nothing to fear because He is our protection, just like we will be earthly protection for our own child. What encouragement - what comfort!!

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’ Psalm 91:1-2 (the rest of Psalm 91 is really good, too!)

I may post one more time before we go, but if not, you’ll hear from us “on the other side.” Thank you again for all your prayers and support!

Our Adoption - 5 weeks to go 6/17/2005

Week 45

Emotional Crap was the name of this week’s game. I was so on edge this week. I got upset easily, angry easily, hurt easily, and overreacted to anything and everything. Ugh. I thank God that in Him I am safe, secure, and loved unconditionally!!

I seem to be doing better now and am not sure what the cause was aside from simply having way too much on my plate right now. In any case, adoption-wise we didn’t actually do much of anything this week aside from continuing to read the book Post-Adoption Blues, which has been a Godsend! The writer of this book has effectively articulated so many of the thoughts and feelings I’ve experienced thus far, though I could never have identified them on my own I don’t think. Somehow it helps when you read something that validates something you’ve thought or felt, and you find yourself saying, “I’ve felt exactly like that!” It is freeing somehow to put words to your feelings and also to realize at the same time that you aren’t alone, others have felt how you feel and understand to some degree what it is like.

The adoption process and all that it entails is very different than I expected it would be. I can’t necessarily say how, but it is different. There is some new experience you discover around each corner. Some are wonderful, while others are sorrowful or even tragic.

This weekend (tomorrow to be exact) marks 35 years of life on this earth for me. I never would have imagined that this is where I would be and what I would be doing at this time in my life. God’s ways and thoughts are not our own, however, and I guess right here, right now is exactly where I am supposed to be. In this there is freedom…and joy!

Adoption Process - 10 Weeks to go 5/13/2005

Week 40

We now have ten weeks to count down to our departure, so I’m changing my blog titles to reflect a count-down towards travel and adoption rather than an upward count. Woohoo!!

I had my bloodwork drawn this week so I can get re-tested for my medical forms, which have to be redone because of the mere chance that the current ones might expire while we are in Ukraine. Sad, but true. Steve will also have to be re-tested and do a new medical form. Argh. We also have to get another certified copy of our marriage license for the same reason. That’s what happens when the whole process takes a full year. Still, we are hopeful, excited, and keeping busy with plans and preparations.

I have been watching selected epidoses of Adoption Stories on the Discovery Health Channel and the moment when the adoptive parents meet their child(ren) in person for the first time (or for the final time to adopt them) is so incredible! I keep thinking that soon we will be having that moment for ourselves, and the thought is overwhelming. Yep, I almost always cry. I can’t help it. If anyone wants to observe the beauty and wonder of adoption I highly recommend this series. Although you do have to tolerate the condescending sing-songy voice of the narrator. Other than that, it’s a very genuine look at the people who choose adoption and the process that each family goes through. And it really effectively shows how every adoption is truly unique!!

I’ve also made an observation about myself that seems rather odd and unexpected to me. I would have thought now that we have an actual date that I would finally want to hit the baby stores and all of that, but I actually have had no desire whatsoever to go to any of them. The reason for this is a mystery to me. Some of it I think has to do with finally accepting the reality that we truly don’t know what age child we will be bringing home. I mean he or she could be well beyond being a “baby” anymore, but I think it is more than that. But what? I know some of you will probably suspect that it has something to do with all the years of uncertainty with regard to our fertility, but I don’t think that is the root of it either. We actually hit the baby stores early on in the adoption process and had a ball with it at the time. We registered for all kinds of “baby stuff” and started to familiarize ourselves with all the accompanying necessities. Despite the difficulties of the past, I have not struggled with thoughts along the lines of “I won’t believe it until I see it” and the like. I have peace and a sense of assurance that we will in fact come home with a child. Anyhow, it is just weird. I would have thought I would finally feel free to peruse the baby store aisles, and I do feel free to do this, but I have no desire to whatsoever. What the heck is that all about!? Anyone????

Also, the topic of names has come up several times and is probably the most-often-asked question by others. Our standard answer is pretty much that we have a few names we like and may use, but we also want to honor our child’s given name if appropriate. Most likely we will incorporate his or her current first name into the new name either as a first or middle name. The other factor at play here is age because the older the child the more used to his name he will be and changing it could have a negative emotional impact. By the way, we are really interested in hearing name suggestions. We probably won’t comment on them simply because we don’t want to announce our favorites yet and we also wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if we don’t like a name they suggest, but offer the suggestions anyway, especially since we don’t have any Baby Names books to look through. Thanks!!

Adoption Process - Week 38 4/29/2005

I’ve been in list mode again this week only now the lists seem to have much more meaning! Having a specific date brings a new reality to the process that has had a much greater impact than I even anticipated. This is no small statement given how obsessed I was about getting that date.

We did manage to purchase our plane tickets this week, which is really exciting, though let me just make it clear for anybody who wasn’t sure - travel to/from Europe in the summertime is expensive! There must be an amazingly special child there just at that time for us to meet and bring home that wouldn’t have been available at any other time. This thought is quite profound, though it embodies the attitude and belief we have maintained throughout the process - i.e. that there is a specific child God means to be in our family, and He is orchestrating the circumstances so that our meeting and merge is assured. What a thrill to watch it played out and even moreso to be an integral part of it and primary recipient of the blessing!!

There is also something very deep, maternal, and mysterious taking place in me. I don’t know that I could effectively explain it even if I really tried. I am sensing new motivations in myself, changes in approaches and attitudes, processing information in different ways than before, and most of all just feeling a lot of emotions that are totally new! I even had an amazingly vivid dream about a boy that we had adopted, and I interacted with him briefly in a most intense, powerful, and intimate way! Considering how rarely I dream anything even remotely linear, this was indescribably amazing. I just see myself changing right before my own eyes, and it is a rather uncomfortable experience while at the same time somehow magical and wonderful. It is as though I am someone else’s work in progress. Hmmm….

I shared some of these feelings with a friend of mine and she said that God is preparing me for motherhood. Wow. Me, a mother? Is it possible that what was at first desired and assumed, then sought, then evaded , then demanded, then surrendered, and now waited for, is soon upon me?!?

I truly haven’t the words…