Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Jodi is fine and recovering 8/17/2007

Hi guys, Steve here.

The other day Jodi posted about her upcoming surgery, and I know that a number of you left comments or emails wishing her well, for which we’re grateful.

Jodi came though the surgery fine, though it was an hour longer than planned. The doctor removed the ovarian cyst, but also found that Jodi had stage 3 endometriosis and quite a bit of internal scarring (from the endo), so it took him some time to clean everything out. But the doctor seemed confident that he got everything and that Jodi will make a full recovery.

Thanks again for your prayers and support. I’m sure Jodi will post something in the next few days but I wanted to make sure that everyone had the good news.

Going under the knife 8/15/2007

That’s right. I’m having surgery tomorrow. The Dr. will be removing an ovarian cyst and cleaning up some suspected endometriosis. There is a rather interesting history to this whole endeavor. If you’re interested, read on.

In case it isn’t obvious, we have been unable to conceive any children for over 7.5 years now. We’ve had some possible explanations at times but nothing ever really convincing (or proven). We finally decided to adopt and were blessed with Adelina. Then, the completely unexpected happened: no, we didn’t get pregnant, though a gazillion people predicted that is what would happen. What happened is that Steve got laid off… again. Ok, not so exciting in and of itself, but within 2 weeks he had a new employer and soon we discovered something shocking: the new insurance covers infertility treatments with no limits given certain qualifications (oh yeah, we qualify). Honestly, when I first learned we had insurance coverage for treatments - even the big bucks ones - I didn’t even know what to do with it. I more or less pretended it didn’t happen. Eventually, though, I thought about it and we decided we should take advantage of it. I mean, why not? Isn’t this probably why God made it available to us?

Here is where it gets a little weird. So, we make the decision and choose an RE (that’s reproductive endocrinologist) and start the process. I think we last maybe 3 or 4 weeks before we both started having doubts and it was less than 6 weeks before we decided we didn’t want to pursue the fertility treatments. We really wanted to adopt again instead. We wanted to adopt another deaf child. So, that is what we are doing.

Unfortunately, the Dr. didn’t let me go so easily. He had identified the cyst way back in January and said we needed to watch it for a few cycles to see if it resolved itself. It didn’t, and he started talking about surgery. Initially I was unconvinced, but then he ran some blood work and it came back with a couple of markers showing “positive”. For what, you ask (as did I). The Dr. explained they indicate one of two things: either you have endometriosis, or you have a cancerous tumor. Ugh, I was starting to cheer on the endometriosis possibility. He consulted with a gynecological oncologist who reviewed my file and said I have less than a 10% chance of it being cancer. Hmm, so a 90% chance of endometriosis. That causes infertility, right? Hmmm…

So that’s the story. Tomorrow I go under the knife. And you’d better believe I’m praying it’s endometriosis and not the “C” word. Ironically, it isn’t even because I’m scared of cancer, but man that would put a huge kink in our adoption plans.

Read the next post for details on our adoption plans as they currently stand. It’s good, exciting news, folks!

Our Adoption - 7 weeks to go 6/3/2005

Week 43

Our travel to Ukraine is NEXT month, so I’m starting to panic a bit as far as readiness for travel. Much to my own surprise I’m not too panicky regarding readiness to parent, though I have my panic moments in that area as well - it might just be I’m stoking a good friendship with denial. I look at it this way - I’ve learned to laugh enough at myself that so long as I can remember to do that, the parenting thing can’t be all bad, right? It’s when I start to take it all too seriously that I get worry lines. Down with worry lines!!

But there is still so much to be done, and I am just realizing that 7 weeks is not much time at all to do it all. I was feeling a bit under the weather - both physically and emotionally - over the past couple of weeks, and that definitely took its toll on what I have been able to accomplish. Hopefully this weekend will be more productive than average and I can get back on track.

Paperwork-wise all we did this week is mail off some redone documents to Ukraine. It’s funny because that used to make me incredibly excited, but now we’ve done it so many times it is very routine. It just doesn’t have the same thrill it did at the beginning. I guess I need a stronger dose of “adoption thrill” to satisfy my appetites. The thrill of the homestudy, the USCIS approval, NAC registration, and that travel date - each step progressively more intense and sweet in its reward. But let me warn you, if you’re considering “trying a little”. It’s goooood stuff, but it doesn’t come cheap!

A Different Kind of Pregnancy

I have a special treat for you. Amy Abrahams is a fellow soon-to-be adoptive parent of a Ukrainian child or children. She and her husband just got their October NAC appointment date - yippee, congrats Amy! Anyhow, she wrote a wonderful little piece called A Different Kind of Pregnancy that I thought was very much worth sharing! I think her breakdown is very accurate in terms of equivalencies and feelings. I am in the third trimester and getting nervous, excited, and a bit uncomfortable!

Here it is in its entirety:

A Different Kind of Pregnancy STEP ONE: Deciding to get pregnant = Deciding to Adopt STEP TWO: Trying to conceive = Deciding to use an agency or adopt independently and which agency or facilitator to use??? (I think this is the worst part until we travel) STEP THREE: We’re pregnant = Finally made a decision and we are on the adoption journey road! STEP FOUR: First Trimester ~Apply for an application to adopt with USCIS (formerly INS) called an I600A form ~Get fingerprinted for USCIS ~Start your homestudy. A homestudy is basically an approval from social services that allows you to adopt. They ALSO have you get fingerprinted and collect all sorts of documents like medical examination reports from your doctor, tax returns, financial statements, employment verification letters, proof of medical insurance, birth certificates and marriage certificates. They also ask for four references letters to be written by non-family members. Then, they have a social worker come to your home 2-4 times for an inspection and private and joint interviews with the adoptive mother and father. A little nerve rattling. When this is completed and you are approved = Hearing the baby’s heartbeat STEP FIVE = Second Trimester ~This is where the real paper gathering begins. It is very similar to the Homestudy paperwork, but in more detail. Every document has to be notarized and have a special seal by the Secretary of State called an Apostille. You have to be very careful in all of your dates. NOTHING can expire until the process and travel has been complete, or they will kick the whole dossier (collection of documents) right back at you, even if you are in Ukraine in the process. No exceptions. You have to make sure you choose a notary, social worker, homestudy agency and doctor whose license or commission does not expire until well after you plan on being home with your child(ren). The documents that we had to collect are as follows: *Petition to Adopt *I171-H (this is what the I600A turns into after you are approved by INS) *Completed Original Homestudy *Copy of Homestudy License *Copy of Employment Letter for their Social Worker *Copy of Social Worker’s License *State Police Clearance Letter (3rd SET OF FINGERPRINTS!!!) *Medical Clearance from Doctor *Copy of Doctor’s License *Verification of Employment Letters *Marriage Certificates *Copy of Passports *Registration Obligation Letter *Power of Attorney When we have compiled all of our documents (dossier), we ship if off to Ukraine for translations = Feeling the baby kick!!!! STEP SIX = Third Trimester Wait Wait Wait for an Invitation to come to Ukraine and have an appointment with the NAC. The NAC is like Ukraine’s social services. They handle ALL of the international adoptions and you must step very carefully with them. STEP SIX = The Delivery We’ve got our date = The water broke Traveling to Ukraine = The mad dash to the hospital ~The In Country Experience~ ~During the meeting with the NAC we will be shown books or loose pages of pictures of children that are available for adoption. The pictures are typically old and have very limited medical/history information. Children have to be registered with the NAC for at least one year before they are available for adoption. Thus, the youngest child available for adoption would be 14 months with the oldest being 16 years old. ~ We choose one child or sibling group as a referral. We then go to that child(rens) region and visit them. We can talk to the Orphanage Director and have our own doctor examine the child if we like. If for a horribly, horribly sad reason (God please don’t let this happen!!!) we don’t feel this is the right child for our family, we go back to the NAC to start all over again. ~If not, we move forward and request a court date! This usually takes about two weeks for a court date. When we are in court, we request a mandatory 30 days wait period to be waived. If it is not, we are not able to take the child(ren) until 30 more days have expired. There are some regions that always seem to waive the 30 days and some that seem to never waive it. When court is over = the baby is out and you can hear him/her cry. Now there is a ton of paper gathering for the child for the embassy; visas, birth certificates, etc. that have to be obtained = Afterbirth ~ When this is complete we can come home! A few honorable mentions: Birthing coach = Stateside adoption helper/Agency My doctor = Facilitator (in country making everything happen person) Nurses = Facilitator’s Staff

Adoption Process - Week 39 (Mother’s Day) 5/11/2005

I’m several days late with this post. So sorry to my faithful readers…

I think the obvious highlight of the week was Mother’s Day, which went over notably different than the previous 5 Mother’s Days. Mother’s Day while growing up is all about your own mother, and this is right and good. Mothers are special and wonderful and are to be celebrated!

However, when you start heading towards motherhood yourself, this special day takes on a new meaning. You long for the day that you will be the mother that is being cherished and celebrated. It started with a pregnancy loss in early 2000. From there I watched all the other young marrieds both family and friends alike around me become mothers while I continued to sit on the sidelines waiting, hoping, and hurting… a lot. Mother’s Day to women unable to conceive is a day of torment and dread, which drains so much already-depleted emotional energy from you that you feel you can barely stand or even breathe.

But… this year felt dramatically different. No, I am not a mother yet, but I am most assuredly an expectant mother, a mother-to-be, and enough people know that to make me feel pretty darn special about it. It is a unique stage in one’s life - waiting to be a mother for the first time - and I appreciated that many recognized this and celebrated it with me. I know that next Mother’s Day will be another unique and treasured day, but this Mother’s Day was special in its own right, and I am awed and grateful for the place God has brought us to.

Ukraine has the flu 2/25/2005

According to adoptiontranslation.org there is a terrible flu going around Ukraine that is so widespread they have shut down most of the schools. All of the Kyiv schools are shut down and many more beyond that - the site says the shutdown has been initiated in 2645 schools affecting more than 1.4 million students. The Kyiv public schools have been shut down since February 14!

I fear for the poor orphans who have such weakened immune systems already, and I hope it is not one of the more deadlier strains of flu. Lord, keep the babies safe and as healthy as possible!