Jodi Speaks Her Mind

One year blues 10/14/2006

We had read about the one year mark being an often difficult time for adopted children, but we were certainly not expecting what happened this morning. Generally, Adelina is very happy and well adjusted. She is a very enthusiastic, fun, go-get-em kid. This morning, she was not. At first we thought it was just a whiny, I don’t-want-to-cooperate kind of thing. We sat down together with her and tried to figure out why she was so teary and having such a difficult time starting the day. We asked question after question after question - Did you have a bad dream? Did Mommy and Daddy sleep too long (we slept in longer than she did)? Do you miss someone? Are you sad? Are you scared? and so on. We got a whole range of yes’s and no’s on the questions, but mostly she just stared at us sadly and distantly and the tears rolled. She looked so vulnerable and lost. I know it really broke our hearts because we felt like we couldn’t quite reach the place in her that was aching. We ended up just holding her for a looooong time - first me, then Steve. Eventually, she seemed to be doing better so we suggested drawing (you know good ol’ art therapy) and she liked the idea but the next thing we knew she was tearing up again. We went back to asking her if she missed someone and she nodded. Do you miss Masha? Again a nod. Do you want to draw a picture for us to send to Masha? Nodding again. So we pulled out some paper and a variety of drawing tools and she made a picture for Masha.

Now I know most of you are thinking - Oh how sweet that she misses her friend from the orphanage! But folks, this is weird. She hasn’t mentioned Masha in at least 5 months and then was usually only if we brought her up. Even in the beginning she didn’t miss Masha in a way that would explain almost 2 hours of intense sadness. We really suspect this is a whole lot more than just missing an old friend from Ukraine. I reminded Steve what the books had said about kids going through strange emotions on the anniversary of their adoption, but I’ll be completely honest, I didn’t really put much stock into that. Well, I’m a believer now, because we are only 4 days away from her “Gotcha day”, and this was tough stuff.

The good news is that she did come out of it. And I’m so grateful we had no plans today and could just take the time to hug and hold and not be rushed off to a new activity. The drawing seemed to really help also, and she drew a second picture just for fun. It’s just an hour or so later, and she now seems fully back to her normal self. I’m glad we went through this, because it shows us how much of her past is still tucked inside and needing to be healed. We prayed over her as we snuggled her because really only God’s love is big enough for these kinds of hurts. God, help our precious little one to be healed and whole again!