Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Nighttime progress 7/31/2006

It is hard to believe how far we’ve come with regard to bedtime routines since we brought Adelina home right around 9 months ago. In the beginning, she slept with me all the time, and poor Steve was relegated to the guest room (our bed was not big enough for all 3 of us, and Adelina was thrashing a lot). I had to go to bed with her and stay there until she fell asleep. Most of the time, I just went to sleep at the same time for two reasons: first, because it took her a LONG time to go to sleep, and second, because I was so emotionally exhausted that I was ready to collapse. She thrashed around a lot and sometimes wet the bed. She refused to wear pull-ups, though, so we’ve been using chucks instead (I don’t know the proper term for these, but that’s what nurses call them) and just washing the sheets if needed.

After a month or so, she started sleeping in her own bedroom. We were so thrilled at this progress and pleasantly surprised that it happened so quickly. Because of her intense emotional outbursts, we had begun to fear it might be eons before she could sleep in her own room in her own bed without one of us sleeping with her. By this time, she was comfortable with either of us going to sleep with her, though she often had strong opinions about which parent she wanted on a particular night. Being able to trade off with each other was a real saving grace. One of us would give her a bath and help her get ready for bed and the other would read stories and then go to sleep with her. While neither task is a drag, and Adelina is fun to be with, by the end of the day, it was just one more thing to have to give your energy to when there wasn’t much energy to give, and she was still unpredictable as far as tantrums and other unpleasantries. All in all, bedtimes are just a lot of work for new parents in general and even moreso for adoptive parents. Add in the communication challenges - currently English when she can hear and limited sign when she can’t - and you have a monumental task ahead of you.

Moving forward, she began getting easier and easier to put down to bed. We began suggesting that she could go to sleep with one of us just standing by her bed (she has a low loft) rather than lying down with her. At first, she would not accept this, but gradually she has and it is now perfectly normal for her. She even has been going to sleep pretty quickly and with minimal fuss. So… we decided it was time to transition her to the next stage: going to sleep by herself without us present. We’ve tried a few times to say good night and walk out, but she is always out the door about ten seconds later. So Steve and I sat down and came up with a plan. Tonight we begin implementation of Operation “Get Adelina to go to sleep on her own”.

So what is our plan? you ask. It’s bribery plain and simple. You can call it what you want - rewards, positive reinforcement, or whatever, but it’s still bribery. We told her that once she can go to sleep five nights in a row by herself she gets a new bike. Her reaction was exactly what we’d hoped for - she’s so thrilled she could hardly contain her excitement. She was even going to town on the other new chores we gave her. They are just simple ones that we know she is already succeeding with - picking up toys, getting herself dressed, having a dry bed (not a problem about 85% of the time), etc. Honestly, if she can do it tonight, I don’t expect there to be much of a problem. This girl is amazing when she sets her mind to something, and we are getting so much better at figuring out the timing for when she is emotionally ready to take the next step.

Hopefully, I can report good news in a few days. Or, possibly, we’ll discover she isn’t quite ready for this next step. But she is starting kindergarten in a matter of days, and that in and of itself is a pretty powerful motivator for her to feel and act more like a “big girl.”

It’s funny, I’ve heard so many parents lament their kids’ accomplishments and attitudes when they are indicating they are growing up, but I just feel proud of each step she takes towards being a girl rather than a big toddler. And she is proud of herself, which is wonderful to behold. Granted, one can only take so many recitations of “myself!” in a given day, but when I see how much she really CAN do herself, it boggles the mind. This is one strong-willed, can-do kid!