Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Nighttime progress 7/31/2006

It is hard to believe how far we’ve come with regard to bedtime routines since we brought Adelina home right around 9 months ago. In the beginning, she slept with me all the time, and poor Steve was relegated to the guest room (our bed was not big enough for all 3 of us, and Adelina was thrashing a lot). I had to go to bed with her and stay there until she fell asleep. Most of the time, I just went to sleep at the same time for two reasons: first, because it took her a LONG time to go to sleep, and second, because I was so emotionally exhausted that I was ready to collapse. She thrashed around a lot and sometimes wet the bed. She refused to wear pull-ups, though, so we’ve been using chucks instead (I don’t know the proper term for these, but that’s what nurses call them) and just washing the sheets if needed.

After a month or so, she started sleeping in her own bedroom. We were so thrilled at this progress and pleasantly surprised that it happened so quickly. Because of her intense emotional outbursts, we had begun to fear it might be eons before she could sleep in her own room in her own bed without one of us sleeping with her. By this time, she was comfortable with either of us going to sleep with her, though she often had strong opinions about which parent she wanted on a particular night. Being able to trade off with each other was a real saving grace. One of us would give her a bath and help her get ready for bed and the other would read stories and then go to sleep with her. While neither task is a drag, and Adelina is fun to be with, by the end of the day, it was just one more thing to have to give your energy to when there wasn’t much energy to give, and she was still unpredictable as far as tantrums and other unpleasantries. All in all, bedtimes are just a lot of work for new parents in general and even moreso for adoptive parents. Add in the communication challenges - currently English when she can hear and limited sign when she can’t - and you have a monumental task ahead of you.

Moving forward, she began getting easier and easier to put down to bed. We began suggesting that she could go to sleep with one of us just standing by her bed (she has a low loft) rather than lying down with her. At first, she would not accept this, but gradually she has and it is now perfectly normal for her. She even has been going to sleep pretty quickly and with minimal fuss. So… we decided it was time to transition her to the next stage: going to sleep by herself without us present. We’ve tried a few times to say good night and walk out, but she is always out the door about ten seconds later. So Steve and I sat down and came up with a plan. Tonight we begin implementation of Operation “Get Adelina to go to sleep on her own”.

So what is our plan? you ask. It’s bribery plain and simple. You can call it what you want - rewards, positive reinforcement, or whatever, but it’s still bribery. We told her that once she can go to sleep five nights in a row by herself she gets a new bike. Her reaction was exactly what we’d hoped for - she’s so thrilled she could hardly contain her excitement. She was even going to town on the other new chores we gave her. They are just simple ones that we know she is already succeeding with - picking up toys, getting herself dressed, having a dry bed (not a problem about 85% of the time), etc. Honestly, if she can do it tonight, I don’t expect there to be much of a problem. This girl is amazing when she sets her mind to something, and we are getting so much better at figuring out the timing for when she is emotionally ready to take the next step.

Hopefully, I can report good news in a few days. Or, possibly, we’ll discover she isn’t quite ready for this next step. But she is starting kindergarten in a matter of days, and that in and of itself is a pretty powerful motivator for her to feel and act more like a “big girl.”

It’s funny, I’ve heard so many parents lament their kids’ accomplishments and attitudes when they are indicating they are growing up, but I just feel proud of each step she takes towards being a girl rather than a big toddler. And she is proud of herself, which is wonderful to behold. Granted, one can only take so many recitations of “myself!” in a given day, but when I see how much she really CAN do herself, it boggles the mind. This is one strong-willed, can-do kid!

Changes, Changes… 7/26/2006

We have just returned from a lovely trip to visit our families in Virginia and celebrate my brother’s recent marriage.  It was a great visit with time to spend with close family and even some extended relatives.  Adelina had a ball with her cousins and is now swimming like a pro!

Steve starts a new job today - woohoo!  We are looking into buying a new vehicle in the next few days.  I am also back to work though on a limited part-time basis at present.  I will actually return to the office to work closer to full time in mid-August.  And if all that weren’t enough, I am taking Adelina today to register her for kindergarten!!

Life is so full of changes, but we trust and believe they are all for the better.

June Highlights 7/4/2006

June had several special events that I want to make note of even though the are in the past. A lot of them are firsts for Adelina. Here they are:

Adelina experienced her first road trip. She and I drove almost 8 hours from Phoenix to Los Angeles, and she was a great road trip buddy! We had a good time, listened to lots of music, and watched as the terrain changed from desert, dry, and dusty to much greener and more lush. We repeated the drive going the other way just this past Friday and she was once again a trooper. This time, though, everything was “want see Daddy,” “when see Daddy?” “hurry see Daddy,” “play Daddy favorite music” and so on. She obviously had one thing on her brain: I WANT TO SEE MY DADDY AGAIN! And who can blame her?

Which brings me to another special event: Steve’s first Father’s Day, and it was a special day, though largely without fanfare. He flew out for the weekend, which was short but sweet. On Saturday we went to Disneyland, which was a highlight for all three of us. We learned once again what an adrenaline junkie Adelina is. If you can believe it, at age 5 and just barely over 40 inches tall, her favorite ride was Space Mountain, which I must say they have nicely updated since I first rode it about 23 years ago. She absolutely loved it, and I wish we could have bought the picture they took of her on it because it perfectly captured her thrill and enjoyment of the ride. Oh well, at $16 for one picture, we just didn’t feel it was worth it. On Father’s Day we went to the beach, which was another first for Adelina. Oh boy did she love the beach, the waves, the sand, the mess, and everything. We had to bury her in the sand, and she got totally soaked despite the fact that she wasn’t wearing a swimsuit (we thought the water would be too cold for actual swimming). June 18 was also my 36th birthday, which was also largely without fanfare, but that was fine with me. I’m not ready to be over the 30’s midpoint yet, so I may just pretend I’m still only 35 for another few years. That ok with everyone?

We also celebrated - albeit from a distance - Steve’s 35th birthday on June 29. Thankfully, his friend Bill drove down from the other side of Phoenix and took him out to a movie. Thanks Bill!

As you can see, June was a packed month, but I’m so glad Adelina is getting to experience so many wonderful things. Today of course she will experience her first 4th of July in the U.S. complete with picnic, concert and fireworks. Woohoo!

One more June event that oughtn’t go unmentioned is my baby brother (well, okay he’s 33 now) got married to a wonderful girl named Jen.  Their wedding was on the island of St. John and we were unable to attend, but we offer our sincerest congratulations and regrets on having to miss it.  Blessings to you guys, Mark and Jen, as you begin your married life together!

Happy 4th of July!!

I hope today we all remember to celebrate the amazing freedom we enjoy here in the U.S. It is truly remarkable and something to be thankful for and to cherish.

Happy Independence Day!

Home from John Tracy Clinic 7/3/2006

We returned home on Friday night after 3 weeks at JTC in Los Angeles. The experience there was so phenomenal that it is difficult to summarize, but I’ll try. Basically, the summer session is an intensive parent-centered program whose goal is to empower you (the parent) to understand your child’s deafness and development and equip you to parent, teach, advocate for, and otherwise make decisions related to the child’s growth, development, and education.

The program included the following topics:

• Speech Acoustics and speech development (phonetic and phonologic)
• Auditory Learning
• Anatomy and Physiology of the Ear
• Cognitive Development
• Language Development (Expressive and Receptive)
• Interpreting Audiograms
• Hearing Aids and Cochlear Implants (including troubleshooting)
• Medical issues of hearing loss
• Communication approaches
• US Laws and IEP’s
• Mainstreaming
• Child Development
• Behavior Management
• Books and Literacy Development

Adelina participated in the preschool program and loved it. She made good friends with the other children as well as the teachers and assistants. She worked daily with a Speech and Language Teacher (SLT) and also met with two separate audiologists over the three week period. Parents were provided many opportunities to observe the educational environment, including the time with the SLT, and we met frequently with the SLT and touched base almost daily with the Classroom teachers. The communication modality at JTC is exclusively oral though most of the teachers can understand ASL and will respond to the child’s expressive communication by acknowledging it, giving it back in English, and encouraging the child to use spoken language. This was very effective with Adelina, as her hearing (with her devices) is so good, and she is strongly motivated to learn speech. She still signs quite a bit because it is easier and more comfortable, but her goal is to talk, so we are doing what we can to assist her towards that goal. She is now talking in short, simple sentences and her speech is improving to the point where we can even understand what she is trying to say. For awhile we were dependent on her giving us the signs, which she was often reluctant to do, but now we can usually figure out her message because she is including more words. Frustration levels from all sides have dropped significantly!! (woohoo Praise God!)

Another aspect of the Summer Session is the support system they set up. Some of this is direct and some is indirect. Directly it is facilitated by support group meetings where parents meet with each other regularly to discuss the challenges and difficulties unique to parenting a deaf preschooler. Indirectly we developed support just by living together. We were all on a single floor of a university dorm apartment building. In the beginning, most families kept to the themselves, but by the end, our kids moved freely between apartments and the parents often did the same. Families often went on outings together for sight-seeing or walks to the ice cream store. For me this was a huge part of the benefit of JTC because I was able to learn so much by observing these parents - all of whom have more parenting experience than I have with my short parentage of just 8 months! I came home with a much better feel for what a 5 year old should and shouldn’t be able to do and what is appropriate play for her. It was also just a wonderfully bonding time for Adelina and I.

Was it successful? Yes! I really do feel better equipped now to parent Adelina and make informed decisions regarding her education, therapies, goals, and much more. I learned that I am her primary language teacher, and now I know how to BE her language teacher, at least I know how to get started, and I know where to look for further guidance and support. Honestly, if anyone is considering JTC for their family for some time in the future, I strongly encourage you to give it a try. It provides a foundation that you can build on for a lifetime.