Mother’s Day - from both sides 5/14/2006
I don’t really even know how to write this post or really even what I want to say. Mother’s Day is traditionally a day of joy and warmth and celebration, but I just don’t feel it. I mean, I can’t complain… Steve and Adelina are planning some special things for me, so there is nothing wrong by appearances. But my heart seems resistant to embrace it all for some reason. This was supposed to be the day to celebrate a long-awaited victory. I guess victory is sometimes wrapped differently than we expect.
Is it because Adelina is adopted that I am feeling this way? Maybe I made this special day out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. Or perhaps I feel a little bit like I cheated and I’m only a “partial Mom”. I didn’t birth her. I never nursed her or fed her a bottle; I never changed her diapers or woke up for midnight feedings; I didn’t witness her first steps or her first words. I wasn’t around to fix her booboos, and I will likely never know where the scar on the bridge of her nose came from or how she felt about the people in her life before the age of 3. I still feel like I am learning who she is and what makes her tick. She has been with us for over 6 months now, but the previous 4.7 years I didn’t even know she existed.
And yet, I have this beautiful little girl who calls me “Mommy”, and I guess in the end, that is enough.
Jodi, you ARE Adelina’s mom and you are a wonderful, caring, and loving mother. Adelina was meant to be yours and Steve’s. It may not have come about as one expected or dreamed, but just try and rest in the fact you are a mom! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, JODI IVY! Love, Adele
Jodi,
Happy Mother’s Day. You are more than 110%, a true mommy! Not a partial mommy at all. The “birthing process” that you went through may not have been physical, but it was spiritual and emotional. I found this poem today. It says exactly what I want to tell you in a way I never could. Be blessed and enjoy this day that the Lord has given you. You deserve it.
Labor of my Heart
I would have given anything to be the one to know the pain of bringing you into this world but it couldn’t be
Though I did not bring you here still I labored in my tears through the long nights I prayed you would come to me
You are the labor of my heart Child, you are the labor of my heart with all my strength I prayed till they laid you in my arms
Child, you are the labor of my heart
Blessed be the maker of bone of other bone He made flesh of my desire and today I take you home
You are the labor of my heart Child, you are the labor of my heart With all my strength I prayed till they laid you in my arms
Child, you are the labor of my heart Child, you are the labor of my heart
-Steve and Annie Chapman
Jodi I am sorry that this day did not live up to all that you had expected or dreamed. It is so hard not to think of all the things that we are not given. I know this first hand. The LORD grants us all different things.
I rejoice in the fact that you are a Mother. That Adelina has a Mommy and that you and Steve have a child.
Happy Mother’s Day Jodi!!
I think adoptive parents will always grieve what we’ve lost. That doesn’t take one little bit away from your daughter, or mean you love her any less, or that you undervalue your role as her MOTHER. Loss is part of adoption, both hers, and yours. Understand that what you are feeling is normal! Give yourself a minute to cry, then enjoy breakfast in bed!
Jodi- I appreciate your honest post. The adoptive relationship can be a complicated one. I think you are more insightful than a lot of Mom’s partly because you have have more to grapple with than in “typical” adoptions. A hearing impaired child is complex to begin with and then add the details of how and when she came home….
Attaching to a child is a process and when you look back in 6 months, you will be amazed at how far your relationship has developed. 6 years later and my dd is still a mystery in many ways. Adoption was my first choice and I’d adopt her and 10 more kids just like her again!! Still, she is most definitely fundamentally different than I in the way she approaches life. Often quite the opposite of our parenting. We have other children so I can especially see how much God given temperment factors into each child’s personality.
Just rambling but I wanted to validate your posts and feelings.