Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Four weeks later… 11/24/2005

Well, tomorrow marks four weeks since Adelina and I arrived home. It is so hard to believe. In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday and in other ways it feels like it has already been several months.

I can tell by the stats that many people are still coming by and wondering how Adelina is doing in her new home and how we are adjusting as a family. I’ll see if I can satisfy at least some of your curiosity.

Adelina’s personality is coming out more and more. She is very social and loves people, both children and adults (in limited number). Also, she is strong and active, but she is most definitely a GIRL. She quickly gravitated to all things beautiful and loves to have her finger- and toe-nails painted regularly. She also loves pink, purple, and anything “princess”-like. Disney’s Cinderella is currently a daily showing in our house. She has a short attention span and is still learning how to play exploratively with toys, so she enjoys them most when other children are around to model the different ways to engage with a particular toy. She is finally starting to draw again. For some reason, she took a long hiatus from drawing and is just barely starting to do it again. We introduced her to playdough and fingerpaints and hope over time she will learn to enjoy these art-related activities in more imaginative and creative ways and not just see them as a brief, fun, and new activity.

She also loves taking trips in the car, so I can’t complain about not getting errands run. She is cooperative and patient when we are shopping or just going here and there getting things done. She doesn’t even fuss if we tell her we are going to the audiologist. We have been there four or five times already while they run a lot of tests, adjust her hearing aids, meet with the hearing specialist, etc. She is always so well-behaved that the doctors and specialists are just amazed. As for other destinations, she enjoys parks and playgrounds and still loves riding in shopping carts. Truth is, I’m not allowed to shop anywhere without getting a cart and putting her in it. Thankfully, she now understands what it means to pay for the items before being able to use, eat, or play with them!

Another indication of progress is that she is now sleeping in her own bed and in her own bedroom. We didn’t expect her to be doing this so quickly, but she initiated the move herself, and one of us will go down to sleep with her and then steal away. A few times she has awaken in the night and cried, but we have the monitors on, so we just go in and reassure her or move her to our bed. She sleeps a good 10 - 11 hours a night and more often than not she wakes up happy thanks to a morning snuggle with Jake (one of our cats).

I’m sure this all sounds blissful, but trust me, life with Adelina is nowhere near blissful. It is true that in many ways Adelina is a thriving four-year-old who smiles when appropriate, shakes hands when meeting people, and has all the outward appearances of a well-adjusted little girl. Also, when she feels safe and is focused she can understand far more signs than I ever imagined she could this soon. She uses a lot of signs herself as well and for certain parts of the day I feel our communication is truly excellent. However, when she is tired or insecure she appears emotionally and behaviorally to be much closer to an 18 month old toddler. She becomes very demanding wanting only what she wants and refusing to accept alternatives. And of course “no” is a big huge evil word that yields an almost violent response from her when she is in an unreceptive mood. Obviously we cannot cater to her every whim and life itself doesn’t cooperate in that regard. The result is a battle of wills, and she can throw a tantrum unlike any child I’ve known. Once the trauma of the tantrum is over, she allows us to calm and comfort her, which is good, but lately the tantrums have gotten longer and more intense and the triggers more trivial. If put into time-out, she tries to hit, pinch, bite, kick etc. It is a definite trial by fire for us as new parents. Her latest tactic is the most frustrating yet. As soon as she begins to calm down enough for us to communicate with her, she squeezes her eyes shut tight and refuses to open them. Imagine a hearing child covering his ears so as to silence the adults in authority over them. In this case the adults can either raise their voices to be heard anyhow or remove the child’s hands to pass along the message even if the child tries to prevent it. With Adelina, she can successfully shut us out in this manner because it simply isn’t safe to force her to open her eyes. And while she has hearing aids, she usually yanks them out early on in a tantrum so as to not have to listen to herself screaming. That privilege is reserved for us hearing folks. Argh.

Anyhow, that’s a pretty good update. Overall, I’d say we are doing extremely well, but there are certainly times when Steve and I are seriously questioning what we’ve gotten ourselves into. She seems to be bonding fairly well to both of us, and we are pretty sure the tantrums are related to her adjustment to this new life and trying to determine what the boundaries are. It all sounds so easy when you write it down analytical-like, but the reality is this past month has been extremely hard for all of us, which will hopefully explain why I haven’t written much. I know that this may well be read by my daughter later on in her life and I want to be careful about how much I share. She is so precious to us and I am looking forward to the time - hopefully not too far off - where we truly feel like a family that belongs together.