Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Adelina FAQ 8/25/2005

I know many of you are dying to know more about our precious Adelina as well as about the process from here on out. I have taken the many questions we’ve been asked and will try to address them here. If I missed anything, ask in the comments and I’ll try to cover it all (well, everything which is appropriate for this type of forum).

What is she like?

Adelina is so sweet! She is careful, slow, and fairly deliberate in her actions. Her caregivers all speak very fondly of her and say that she is obedient and cooperative. She likes things to be neat and orderly and is good about putting things away in their proper place. She does not presume anything and is almost always watching us to see what we are doing or how we are feeling. We believe that she feels things very deeply. She has been slow to open up, but each day she opens a little more to us. She is definitely not communicative, but she loves to smile, and it is not difficult to induce her to do so. Steve is especially good at it, and frankly, all she has to do is look at him, and she smiles. Of course he smiles back or tickles or throws her about or just looks at her goofy-like and she smiles even bigger or even better giggles. Her giggles are wonderful! All children are wonderful when they giggle, but hers are a special blessing for us since it is the only sound we hear from her.

What kinds of things do you do with her?

So far, we haven’t done very much except play outside with her on the orphanage grounds. She really likes the slide and the monkey bars and is quite the good climber. She likes to hang as well. We take walks and stop to look at flowers or grasshoppers and draw her attention to them. We think that her curiosity has not been very well developed, and we hope as she continues to open up that she will begin to show more interest in the world around her. She really loves it when we toss her about or swing her by her hands (usually with one of us on each hand) and does not object to any kind of rough-housing so far. This has been fun. When we first met her, she was so terrified of these “strangers” that she wouldn’t smile or move, and they had her dressed in a really frilly dress with these HUGE bows in her hair (folks, I mean huge - far bigger than her own head!) It is our suspicion that all this “much ado” is partly why she was so terrified. Anyhow, she has since blossomed and seems to gradually be developing trust in us.

How deaf is she?

Today we took her to the hearing specialist to see about her hearing aid. (By the way, she did great in the car and at the doctor’s office. She didn’t seem nervous at all!) They claim that she needs a second hearing aid (one for each ear), but also claim the current one works, but was not installed properly. We are a bit suspicious of this claim, however, because after putting it in “properly” the audiologist proceeded to play a xylophone and then a drum *very* loudly not a foot from her head and Adelina didn’t even flinch. The tests they have done twice in the past indicate she has 40% hearing in both ears. Frankly, we are still a bit confused about the hearing and speech claims and may very well not get answers until we get back to the states to get her thoroughly evaluated. It is also possible that she is able to hear with her hearing aid and is simply not yet willing to venture any communications of her own with us. Time will tell. In any case, the news has no bearing whatsoever on our decision to proceed with adopting her. We are already smitten and completely willing to learn sign language with her and help her in every way that we can.

What size does she wear?

We don’t actually know how they indicate sizes, as we figured we’d be coming home with a very young toddler wearing 12 month clothing. But for those who wish to know, she is 99 cm tall (39 inches) and weighs 14 kg (32 lbs). Pretty much the size of a normal 4.5 year old. Can someone translate this into sizes for us? (in American terms please - thanks!)

What is her favorite __________?

We can’t answer any of these. She has not communicated any preferences whatsoever, though I do think at this point she prefers Steve over almost any other person. We pondered these questions regarding preferences, and the truth is that she has never been given opportunity to really develop any preferences. The children do not choose their outfits each day, they simply wear what is provided to them. All meals are simply served, and I’m quite sure the concept of a menu is utterly foreign. We are told that she is very agreeable in every respect and this is what we have witnessed. It is our hope that once she is outside the orphanage environment she will begin to discriminate things more and show preference for certain foods over others and favorite colors, favorite animal, favorite activity, and so on. Although we are adopting an “older” child by most adoption standards, she has really not experienced many things that a one year old in a basic american family has already experienced. It’s so hard to imagine!! She has so much of the world yet to explore!!

When do you get to take her home?

We don’t know exactly, but our hope is her adoption will be completed in 2-3 weeks time. The formal paperwork was begun today (because yesterday was a holiday) and many documents have to be prepared and passed around to several authorities. Then we’ll have court and we can take her from the orphanage not too long after that unless the judge imposes a 30-day waiting period. If that happens, we can’t take her until 30 days from court. We are praying hard that the 30-day waiting period will be waived for us so we can come home sooner. In the meantime, she continues her life at the orphanage with visits from us when allowed and when we are able. We hope soon to move to an apartment closer to her orphanage to foster more frequent visits.

How are you feeling about all this!?

Wow, what to say to this question. Adelina is so different than what we expected, and yet she seems like a perfect fit at the same time. When we first met her, we both liked her immediately, but we didn’t have that “I know for sure” feeling that we both sort of expected to have. Even after we’d said “yes” we felt some doubt and a heck of a lot of fear. But saying “yes” opened up the door for the feelings to begin. Honestly, we love her but we know this love is still small, like a tiny seed that has been planted. It grows a little each day, maybe even each minute. We still barely know her and she barely knows us. Yet we trust that this is a match that will be forever and that God Himself will knit our hearts together. In many ways, it still does not feel real. When we are in our flat, we frequently pull up all the pictures we’ve taken and go through them just to remind ourselves this is really happening! We really wish we could take her home tomorrow but at times are also grateful for the slower bonding process afforded by the way of Ukraine adoptions. Our garden is being planted, and soon it will be growing actively!!