Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Bubbles, Trains, and Picasso 8/31/2005

Not ours… yet

Adelina is not yet our daughter officially, but she is fast becoming so in our hearts. We just love this little girl so dearly, and she is starting to attach to us as well. Our times with her thus far have been very short but each one seems to get a little sweeter than the last. She opens up with us more each time. Yesterday, she actually ran to us when she saw us! Our hearts leapt with joy at this response to our presence. Her trust in us has been slow but steady, and this is really a good thing. While many international adoptive parents (including us) initially dream of instant bonding, gradual bonding is actually much healthier. It shows a healthy concept of self and emotional maturity. So many of the children we have met in the orphanage will run up to you immediately at first meeting and start to grab your leg or want you to pick them up, and they will call you Mama or Papa with complete ease. Adelina is not like this at all, but she very obviously prefers us to anyone else at this point, and that is huge progress. Our hope is that the bonding, though slow, will be deep and strong and lasting.

Fun in the Sun

Some of the outdoor activities we have enjoyed with her include playing with her on the slide, taking walks, climbing the monkey bars, and she likes playing on the “horizontal ladder” which is really for much bigger kids. She can only reach the lowest bars herself, and asks to be lifted to all the others. She goes bar to bar and will not skip one. She gets hold, hangs a moment, then plans her landing. She really is quite physically capable, and we think she may enjoy gymnastics when we return to the states. She also has shown excellent balance walking around the edges of the sandbox at the bottom of the slide. She can do it herself with her arms outstretched to keep her balance. One time she started to lose her balance but was able to regain it completely before taking the next step, where she lost it for good this time, but we were really amazed at this ability. Maybe it is a normal ability for a 4.5 year old, but we are pretty sure it is exceptional for a child who was been institutionalized.

We bought a simple paddle-ball set, and taught her how to hit the ball back and forth along the ground (it’s really difficult to do through the air even for us!), and she enjoys this activity, though we recently introduced her to bubbles, and bubbles always win over paddle-ball now when she is given a choice between the two. She blows a bit too hard to make good bubbles herself, but she sure enjoys popping and trying to “catch” the bubbles. We are working hard on teaching her the word “bubbles” because it is such a fun word, and of course also because it has great meaning to most 4 year olds. We won’t be surprised if it turns out to be the first word she uses with us once she decides she is ready to speak.

A couple of days ago, her groupa was playing with balloons, and we enjoyed volleying with her balloon for quite some time. When our balloon inevitably popped in the grass, she got quite a distressed look on her face, and promptly pointed straight at her groupa, which was across the grounds on a platform under some trees. It was quite imperative (from her point of view) that we march straight over there and acquire a replacement balloon. Which, of course, we did immediately. Thankfully, her caregivers were tickled and glad to give her another balloon. Steve had taught her how to “shoot” the balloon by pulling back on the knot and then letting it go, and Adelina made a point of demonstrating her newly acquired talent to her caregiver who responded with the appropriate look of “wow”.

A Whole New World

We took a walk to the front gate of the orphanage the other day with Adelina perched on Steve’s shoulders. She seemed to enjoy the new vantage point, and now that she had been in a car (due to our recent trip to the hearing specialist) she seemed to show a new interest in the cars and other types of vehicles that passed by. Honestly, she seems to finally be showing an interest in many things that have been around her all this time, but that nobody ever really presented as worth noticing. For example, we took a short walk under the trees on the grounds and took note of things like pine cones, acorns, tree bark, grasshoppers, etc. and she seemed very interested. These things are right there all the time, but nobody takes the time (or has the time really) to emphasize how amazing and wonderful nature is and how it can be studied and appreciated. In Adelina’s case, there is also the issue that her groupa is made up of 15 children, and she is quite the oldest, biggest, and most independent of them all. She is there to be “the example” so there isn’t anyone to be an example for her. We hope that the little bit of influence we have at this point will begin to get her to be more observant of even her own world at present and how much is there for her to see, touch, smell, and enjoy - even if she cannot hear.

Indoor Pursuits

We try to balance our time between outside play and quieter indoor activities. We can’t really read her stories with her hearing being so limited, but we do have some simple books we brought. At present we have only 3 books - one is a Touch n Feel Shapes book, another is a Baby ABC book with pictures of items for each letter of the alphabet, and the third is the book we made for her that shows us, pictures of our house, cats, her room, her soon-to-be relatives and so on. I think I shared some of this before, but each time we “read” one of these books with her, she shows more focused interest, and a higher degree of interaction with the pictures and with us. Soon we hope to find some more books that will continue to expose her to more “real world” items. We cannot necessarily give her all the vocabulary for these items, but she can begin to file them away visually and when she is ready to speak - be it verbally or with sign language, she can begin to learn the appropriate vocabulary to represent all the images in her mental library. It is frustrating for us to not get to the play the “this is an apple, that is an airplane, that is a frog, etc.” but we can still expose her to all of these things and know that the information is in there filed away somewhere.

Toys and Games

The one time we were permitted to play with Adelina in her groupa’s playroom was quite a fun time. We were given permission to get down the toys that are stored behind glass in a large cabinet. They are the nicer toys which we suspect are only brought out on certain occasions. We took out a wooden train set that she thoroughly enjoyed. Each “car” was a small shape puzzle of some kind and then each car attached to the others with a simple hole and peg sort of piece. We gave her the entire train disassembled and she threw it together exactly correctly in no time at all. Puzzles are a favorite activity we think, and she is quite good at them. Anyhow, she enjoyed the train a lot. Every once in awhile Steve would accost the train and disassemble portions of it again, forcing her to repair it and get it working again. She seemed to really enjoy the challenge.

Mr. Picasso Head

One of the toys we found on this “out of reach” shelf was a Mr. Potato Head. There were no longer really any “extra” pieces but he had a hat, shoes, two ears, two hands, eyes, nose, and either teeth or lips for the mouth. We took all the parts off and watched her go at it. She approached it slowly and with some hesitation. We are pretty sure she’s never played with it before. She started with the easiest parts - the feet and the hat and the rest were a bit more difficult. She figured out the eyes and got one hand sticking out of each side (though not at equivalent heights), and one ear in the right place though lower than the hand. The rest of poor Mr. Potato Head was quite wrong or perhaps our little girl is a budding creative genius. Still, we thought she did fairly well for a first attempt, and we noticed there are no mirrors anywhere, so who knows if they have even been taught the parts of the face. In addition, the “mouth” was a tongue sticking out of lips which did look pretty similar to the ears. Steve slowly put him back together, and we suspect she’ll get it perfect next time. She picks up on things very quickly. We probably should have demonstrated it for her first, but I’m glad we didn’t. It allowed us to see her problem solving skills in action. The trains and Mr. Potato Head are probably the most advanced toys they have at her orphanage. The rest of the toys are geared towards babies, since most of the children *are* babies or at least look and act much like babies.

{there’s more to tell, but I ran out of time… will continue later}

Adelina FAQ 8/25/2005

I know many of you are dying to know more about our precious Adelina as well as about the process from here on out. I have taken the many questions we’ve been asked and will try to address them here. If I missed anything, ask in the comments and I’ll try to cover it all (well, everything which is appropriate for this type of forum).

What is she like?

Adelina is so sweet! She is careful, slow, and fairly deliberate in her actions. Her caregivers all speak very fondly of her and say that she is obedient and cooperative. She likes things to be neat and orderly and is good about putting things away in their proper place. She does not presume anything and is almost always watching us to see what we are doing or how we are feeling. We believe that she feels things very deeply. She has been slow to open up, but each day she opens a little more to us. She is definitely not communicative, but she loves to smile, and it is not difficult to induce her to do so. Steve is especially good at it, and frankly, all she has to do is look at him, and she smiles. Of course he smiles back or tickles or throws her about or just looks at her goofy-like and she smiles even bigger or even better giggles. Her giggles are wonderful! All children are wonderful when they giggle, but hers are a special blessing for us since it is the only sound we hear from her.

What kinds of things do you do with her?

So far, we haven’t done very much except play outside with her on the orphanage grounds. She really likes the slide and the monkey bars and is quite the good climber. She likes to hang as well. We take walks and stop to look at flowers or grasshoppers and draw her attention to them. We think that her curiosity has not been very well developed, and we hope as she continues to open up that she will begin to show more interest in the world around her. She really loves it when we toss her about or swing her by her hands (usually with one of us on each hand) and does not object to any kind of rough-housing so far. This has been fun. When we first met her, she was so terrified of these “strangers” that she wouldn’t smile or move, and they had her dressed in a really frilly dress with these HUGE bows in her hair (folks, I mean huge - far bigger than her own head!) It is our suspicion that all this “much ado” is partly why she was so terrified. Anyhow, she has since blossomed and seems to gradually be developing trust in us.

How deaf is she?

Today we took her to the hearing specialist to see about her hearing aid. (By the way, she did great in the car and at the doctor’s office. She didn’t seem nervous at all!) They claim that she needs a second hearing aid (one for each ear), but also claim the current one works, but was not installed properly. We are a bit suspicious of this claim, however, because after putting it in “properly” the audiologist proceeded to play a xylophone and then a drum *very* loudly not a foot from her head and Adelina didn’t even flinch. The tests they have done twice in the past indicate she has 40% hearing in both ears. Frankly, we are still a bit confused about the hearing and speech claims and may very well not get answers until we get back to the states to get her thoroughly evaluated. It is also possible that she is able to hear with her hearing aid and is simply not yet willing to venture any communications of her own with us. Time will tell. In any case, the news has no bearing whatsoever on our decision to proceed with adopting her. We are already smitten and completely willing to learn sign language with her and help her in every way that we can.

What size does she wear?

We don’t actually know how they indicate sizes, as we figured we’d be coming home with a very young toddler wearing 12 month clothing. But for those who wish to know, she is 99 cm tall (39 inches) and weighs 14 kg (32 lbs). Pretty much the size of a normal 4.5 year old. Can someone translate this into sizes for us? (in American terms please - thanks!)

What is her favorite __________?

We can’t answer any of these. She has not communicated any preferences whatsoever, though I do think at this point she prefers Steve over almost any other person. We pondered these questions regarding preferences, and the truth is that she has never been given opportunity to really develop any preferences. The children do not choose their outfits each day, they simply wear what is provided to them. All meals are simply served, and I’m quite sure the concept of a menu is utterly foreign. We are told that she is very agreeable in every respect and this is what we have witnessed. It is our hope that once she is outside the orphanage environment she will begin to discriminate things more and show preference for certain foods over others and favorite colors, favorite animal, favorite activity, and so on. Although we are adopting an “older” child by most adoption standards, she has really not experienced many things that a one year old in a basic american family has already experienced. It’s so hard to imagine!! She has so much of the world yet to explore!!

When do you get to take her home?

We don’t know exactly, but our hope is her adoption will be completed in 2-3 weeks time. The formal paperwork was begun today (because yesterday was a holiday) and many documents have to be prepared and passed around to several authorities. Then we’ll have court and we can take her from the orphanage not too long after that unless the judge imposes a 30-day waiting period. If that happens, we can’t take her until 30 days from court. We are praying hard that the 30-day waiting period will be waived for us so we can come home sooner. In the meantime, she continues her life at the orphanage with visits from us when allowed and when we are able. We hope soon to move to an apartment closer to her orphanage to foster more frequent visits.

How are you feeling about all this!?

Wow, what to say to this question. Adelina is so different than what we expected, and yet she seems like a perfect fit at the same time. When we first met her, we both liked her immediately, but we didn’t have that “I know for sure” feeling that we both sort of expected to have. Even after we’d said “yes” we felt some doubt and a heck of a lot of fear. But saying “yes” opened up the door for the feelings to begin. Honestly, we love her but we know this love is still small, like a tiny seed that has been planted. It grows a little each day, maybe even each minute. We still barely know her and she barely knows us. Yet we trust that this is a match that will be forever and that God Himself will knit our hearts together. In many ways, it still does not feel real. When we are in our flat, we frequently pull up all the pictures we’ve taken and go through them just to remind ourselves this is really happening! We really wish we could take her home tomorrow but at times are also grateful for the slower bonding process afforded by the way of Ukraine adoptions. Our garden is being planted, and soon it will be growing actively!!

Our God is faithful! 8/23/2005

Here she is, our beautiful Adelina. She is deaf and has yet to speak a single word to us, but we are already starting to love her. And who could help it with a face like hers?!?

I could write pages, but I won’t today. Instead, just gaze on her and rejoice with us that we have found her at last!!

(Edited to add that Adelina is 4.5 years old.)

Sights Of Kiev 8/22/2005

Below are pictures from various sites around Kiev and from our time here. Sorry it’s been so long in getting them up. We don’t have any “image gallery” functionality on the blog yet, so the process is a bit tedious at present. We hope you enjoy these!

(Remember, to see a picture full-size, just click on it, then you can click back to return to the collection or you can load the individual pictures in separate tabs or windows.)

This is a picture of me and Sveta, our translator and friend.

Joey and Laura and their two kids (one is hiding). They are with YWAM and took us to church a few weeks ago.

GX International breakdancing team performing on Kreshatyk Street a few weeks ago. It was very hard to get any pictures, but they were really good!

A Ukrainian breakdancer. This guy was by far the best. He was amazing!

A picture from Hillsong, where we’ve gone to church twice now.

This is St. Sophia Square. The entrance to the church and surrounding grounds is through a door in the belltower. It is very close to where we’ve been staying, so we cross this square several times daily. It’s very beautiful!

From partway up the belltower, a view through one of the arches of the church.

The view from the belltower, across the square and down the street to another church, St. Michael’s, which still has services on Sundays.

The entrance to the funicular, which is a cablecar that goes at a 45 degree angle up a steep hill. This one travels through a lush, green forest/park. It’s a beautiful ride.

Inside the funicular station, the funicular only costs 50 kopeks to ride each way.

From this angle, you can sort of see how steep the hill is, and you can see some of the green trees. Kiev is a very green city, and it has reminded us often of the beauty of Virginia.

One of many public playgrounds. This one is between St. Michael’s and St. Sophia’s so we pass it daily. Usually it is swarming with happy children.

Another area of the same park. It is a sort of castle structure with a long sea serpent. Every playground is somehow unique and many of them seem designed to foster creativity and imagination.

Independence Square at dusk. On weekends, they close off the street to cars, so you can see people walking in the streets. There is so much life and energy in this city!

A Perfect Garden 8/21/2005

We are heading into the week feeling incredibly renewed and having a fresh hope for the future.

“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

We do not understand why God has brought us through all that He has, nor do we know what He will do next, but we have been given a glimpse of what God is doing in us. In a nutshell, we feel he is plowing us, stirring up all the hard places and and making our hearts ready for planting. We ourselves prepared the garden according to our own plans. We moved the soil around and prepared the rows for the seeds to be planted. Then we looked to God to deposit the seeds into the prepared rows. What we did not know or understand is that the Gardener has His own idea for how our garden should look, and He has been doing His own soil-readying process. It hurts being plowed, de-thatched, and rearranged, but who is the soil to question the Gardener? Being the Master Gardener, He will plant only the most carefully selected seeds into soil which is uniquely sifted and ready to receive these special seeds. When the soil is ready, God alone will plant the seed or seeds of His choosing into the readied soil, and the result will be nothing short of a perfect garden. Our family will be made in the Gardener’s timing and to His liking, and it will be everything that it is meant to be.

“I (Jesus) am the true vine, and my Father is the Gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:1-2