Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Our Adoption - 5 weeks to go 6/17/2005

Week 45

Emotional Crap was the name of this week’s game. I was so on edge this week. I got upset easily, angry easily, hurt easily, and overreacted to anything and everything. Ugh. I thank God that in Him I am safe, secure, and loved unconditionally!!

I seem to be doing better now and am not sure what the cause was aside from simply having way too much on my plate right now. In any case, adoption-wise we didn’t actually do much of anything this week aside from continuing to read the book Post-Adoption Blues, which has been a Godsend! The writer of this book has effectively articulated so many of the thoughts and feelings I’ve experienced thus far, though I could never have identified them on my own I don’t think. Somehow it helps when you read something that validates something you’ve thought or felt, and you find yourself saying, “I’ve felt exactly like that!” It is freeing somehow to put words to your feelings and also to realize at the same time that you aren’t alone, others have felt how you feel and understand to some degree what it is like.

The adoption process and all that it entails is very different than I expected it would be. I can’t necessarily say how, but it is different. There is some new experience you discover around each corner. Some are wonderful, while others are sorrowful or even tragic.

This weekend (tomorrow to be exact) marks 35 years of life on this earth for me. I never would have imagined that this is where I would be and what I would be doing at this time in my life. God’s ways and thoughts are not our own, however, and I guess right here, right now is exactly where I am supposed to be. In this there is freedom…and joy!