Jodi Speaks Her Mind

Our Adoption - (less than) 4 weeks to go 6/28/2005

Week 46 came and went and I missed the update. But here is what it entailed:

We received our Visas from the Ukrainian consulate! Visas are entry permission documents stamped right into your passport. Receiving ours was quite exciting until we discovered that they wrote my visa in my maiden name rather my married name. We’re not sure if it was a mistake or if they always issue the visas according to the name in the front of the passport. My passport was issued before I married and later amended. I applied in my married name AND pointed them to the page with the amendment, so it may have been intentional on their part because it seems like this would be important enough for them to do it correctly. I tried to call today to learn if it needs to be fixed, but today is a Ukrainian holiday and the Consular office is closed. Will try again tomorrow.

My friends gave me a baby shower on Saturday. This was an amazingly special event because it made the reality of us soon coming home with a child so much…well, more real!! Our house is now full of little toys and toddler dishes and other things which clearly indicate the presence of a little one. And the best part is it looks so natural in our house and feels so right in our hearts. I know I won’t believe it fully even after we’re home with a little one, but it is becoming more believable each day that our trip draws nearer.

Actually, the real highlight of the shower was a time of prayer the ladies had for me. I was so blessed by this and must have needed it even more than I realized. Afterwards, I felt a huge sense of peace and of renewed trust and assurance that God is in control and He’ll see it through to completion! I’ll have to continue to return to these truths again and again before it’s over, though. Please keep praying, folks! It makes such a difference!

There’s another reason to pray besides our spiritual and emotional well-being. The adoption situation in Ukraine is soon supposed to be getting MUCH better. However, the “much better” phase is not likely to happen until some time after our trip. And until then, things are NOT good some might even call them BAD. We are refusing to give up though, remembering that God is in charge and it is up to Him to connect us to the child meant to be ours. Still, please pray for the children in Ukraine who need homes that the current barricades will soon be torn down and adopting them will be easier and faster than ever before! These children deserve homes and families to love them!!!!

We continue to prepare for our travels, collecting gifts to take, buying the right toiletries, evaluating our wardrobes for appropriate attire to take, and so on. We are also finally working on the photo book we will be making for our child to see as a way to “meet” his extended family and begin to get more comfortable with us and our home and such. We hope he likes it!! We’re still collecting digital pictures from family to go in the book, then we will build and organize it, and then we’ll print it through Apple’s iPhoto book program. So cool!!

I’ll do another update this week on Friday… at least that’s the plan.

Recommended Reading 6/20/2005

Mary Jo and Kenny Burchard are in Ukraine right now adopting their son. I had exchanged several e-mails with Mary Jo a month or so ago, but then nothing until I saw her NAC appointment date noted in my calendar last week. She posted a couple of times to the message boards I’m on, so I went to read her story of finding her child. She and her husband pastor a church together in CA and their faith is both evident and instrumental in their story.

I strongly encourage my readers to take the time to read it, as this is a story absolutely worth your time! If you want to know what we may be up against and how you can pray for us as we go through this same process in 6 weeks’ time, please take the time to read their story. It takes a little bit of scrolling to find where it begins - close to the bottom of the page, and then you have to do some more scrolling to read it in sequence. Just find the earliest dates to start - June 10 is a good starting place. Mary Jo, you and your husband and Veechee are in our prayers!! I can’t wait to see pictures!

Our Adoption - 5 weeks to go 6/17/2005

Week 45

Emotional Crap was the name of this week’s game. I was so on edge this week. I got upset easily, angry easily, hurt easily, and overreacted to anything and everything. Ugh. I thank God that in Him I am safe, secure, and loved unconditionally!!

I seem to be doing better now and am not sure what the cause was aside from simply having way too much on my plate right now. In any case, adoption-wise we didn’t actually do much of anything this week aside from continuing to read the book Post-Adoption Blues, which has been a Godsend! The writer of this book has effectively articulated so many of the thoughts and feelings I’ve experienced thus far, though I could never have identified them on my own I don’t think. Somehow it helps when you read something that validates something you’ve thought or felt, and you find yourself saying, “I’ve felt exactly like that!” It is freeing somehow to put words to your feelings and also to realize at the same time that you aren’t alone, others have felt how you feel and understand to some degree what it is like.

The adoption process and all that it entails is very different than I expected it would be. I can’t necessarily say how, but it is different. There is some new experience you discover around each corner. Some are wonderful, while others are sorrowful or even tragic.

This weekend (tomorrow to be exact) marks 35 years of life on this earth for me. I never would have imagined that this is where I would be and what I would be doing at this time in my life. God’s ways and thoughts are not our own, however, and I guess right here, right now is exactly where I am supposed to be. In this there is freedom…and joy!

Our Adoption - 6 weeks to go 6/12/2005

Week 44

Wow, this week flew by! I can hardly believe it. And of course, the next 6 will most likely do the same. The less ready you are for the time to pass, the faster it seems to go. Of course there is a part of me that still feels like it is forever, and my child can’t find its way into my arms fast enough!!

This week we did the following:

• Picked up Steve’s redone medical form from his Dr.’s office
• took above form to be apostilled by the AZ Sec’y of State in downtown Phoenix
• started purchasing gifts to take with us
• located a physician to perform a pre-adoptive medical exam on our child
• updated our baby/toddler registry
• started the post-adoption paperwork through our employers (medical insurance, FMLA, etc.)
• applied for our visas - this turned out to be a much bigger task than I anticipated. It required

• collecting our passports
• each getting passport photos taken
• filling out a 4-page application for each of us
• acquire two money orders for each application (one for visa and one for the appl. fee)
• acquire two prepaid express mail envelopes (one to send everything in and another for the return package containing our passports and visas once processed)
• typing up a lengthy cover letter detailing all of the above
• sending it all off at an express mail location!

It was a busy week! 6 more to go…

Our Adoption - 7 weeks to go 6/3/2005

Week 43

Our travel to Ukraine is NEXT month, so I’m starting to panic a bit as far as readiness for travel. Much to my own surprise I’m not too panicky regarding readiness to parent, though I have my panic moments in that area as well - it might just be I’m stoking a good friendship with denial. I look at it this way - I’ve learned to laugh enough at myself that so long as I can remember to do that, the parenting thing can’t be all bad, right? It’s when I start to take it all too seriously that I get worry lines. Down with worry lines!!

But there is still so much to be done, and I am just realizing that 7 weeks is not much time at all to do it all. I was feeling a bit under the weather - both physically and emotionally - over the past couple of weeks, and that definitely took its toll on what I have been able to accomplish. Hopefully this weekend will be more productive than average and I can get back on track.

Paperwork-wise all we did this week is mail off some redone documents to Ukraine. It’s funny because that used to make me incredibly excited, but now we’ve done it so many times it is very routine. It just doesn’t have the same thrill it did at the beginning. I guess I need a stronger dose of “adoption thrill” to satisfy my appetites. The thrill of the homestudy, the USCIS approval, NAC registration, and that travel date - each step progressively more intense and sweet in its reward. But let me warn you, if you’re considering “trying a little”. It’s goooood stuff, but it doesn’t come cheap!

A Different Kind of Pregnancy

I have a special treat for you. Amy Abrahams is a fellow soon-to-be adoptive parent of a Ukrainian child or children. She and her husband just got their October NAC appointment date - yippee, congrats Amy! Anyhow, she wrote a wonderful little piece called A Different Kind of Pregnancy that I thought was very much worth sharing! I think her breakdown is very accurate in terms of equivalencies and feelings. I am in the third trimester and getting nervous, excited, and a bit uncomfortable!

Here it is in its entirety:

A Different Kind of Pregnancy STEP ONE: Deciding to get pregnant = Deciding to Adopt STEP TWO: Trying to conceive = Deciding to use an agency or adopt independently and which agency or facilitator to use??? (I think this is the worst part until we travel) STEP THREE: We’re pregnant = Finally made a decision and we are on the adoption journey road! STEP FOUR: First Trimester ~Apply for an application to adopt with USCIS (formerly INS) called an I600A form ~Get fingerprinted for USCIS ~Start your homestudy. A homestudy is basically an approval from social services that allows you to adopt. They ALSO have you get fingerprinted and collect all sorts of documents like medical examination reports from your doctor, tax returns, financial statements, employment verification letters, proof of medical insurance, birth certificates and marriage certificates. They also ask for four references letters to be written by non-family members. Then, they have a social worker come to your home 2-4 times for an inspection and private and joint interviews with the adoptive mother and father. A little nerve rattling. When this is completed and you are approved = Hearing the baby’s heartbeat STEP FIVE = Second Trimester ~This is where the real paper gathering begins. It is very similar to the Homestudy paperwork, but in more detail. Every document has to be notarized and have a special seal by the Secretary of State called an Apostille. You have to be very careful in all of your dates. NOTHING can expire until the process and travel has been complete, or they will kick the whole dossier (collection of documents) right back at you, even if you are in Ukraine in the process. No exceptions. You have to make sure you choose a notary, social worker, homestudy agency and doctor whose license or commission does not expire until well after you plan on being home with your child(ren). The documents that we had to collect are as follows: *Petition to Adopt *I171-H (this is what the I600A turns into after you are approved by INS) *Completed Original Homestudy *Copy of Homestudy License *Copy of Employment Letter for their Social Worker *Copy of Social Worker’s License *State Police Clearance Letter (3rd SET OF FINGERPRINTS!!!) *Medical Clearance from Doctor *Copy of Doctor’s License *Verification of Employment Letters *Marriage Certificates *Copy of Passports *Registration Obligation Letter *Power of Attorney When we have compiled all of our documents (dossier), we ship if off to Ukraine for translations = Feeling the baby kick!!!! STEP SIX = Third Trimester Wait Wait Wait for an Invitation to come to Ukraine and have an appointment with the NAC. The NAC is like Ukraine’s social services. They handle ALL of the international adoptions and you must step very carefully with them. STEP SIX = The Delivery We’ve got our date = The water broke Traveling to Ukraine = The mad dash to the hospital ~The In Country Experience~ ~During the meeting with the NAC we will be shown books or loose pages of pictures of children that are available for adoption. The pictures are typically old and have very limited medical/history information. Children have to be registered with the NAC for at least one year before they are available for adoption. Thus, the youngest child available for adoption would be 14 months with the oldest being 16 years old. ~ We choose one child or sibling group as a referral. We then go to that child(rens) region and visit them. We can talk to the Orphanage Director and have our own doctor examine the child if we like. If for a horribly, horribly sad reason (God please don’t let this happen!!!) we don’t feel this is the right child for our family, we go back to the NAC to start all over again. ~If not, we move forward and request a court date! This usually takes about two weeks for a court date. When we are in court, we request a mandatory 30 days wait period to be waived. If it is not, we are not able to take the child(ren) until 30 more days have expired. There are some regions that always seem to waive the 30 days and some that seem to never waive it. When court is over = the baby is out and you can hear him/her cry. Now there is a ton of paper gathering for the child for the embassy; visas, birth certificates, etc. that have to be obtained = Afterbirth ~ When this is complete we can come home! A few honorable mentions: Birthing coach = Stateside adoption helper/Agency My doctor = Facilitator (in country making everything happen person) Nurses = Facilitator’s Staff