Jodi Speaks Her Mind

in all things rejoice… 1/11/2005

Well, the news came today and it is not good. The Adoption Center is open and running this week and accepting dossiers on Wednesday. I know that all sounds like it should be good news. HOWEVER, they are only accepting dossiers for families who are looking to adopt children age 10 and above. Wha?

They’ve already gone almost 3 weeks refusing ALL Dossiers. What happens when they finally say they’ll take them again? All of a sudden they’ll have a huge influx of dossiers including our own that have been waiting for the door to be open to them. How does holding off the inevitable make it easier for them? Part of me fears that this is some kind of ploy to stave off this influx until there has been some sort of change of command. But then that doesn’t seem to make any sense either. My ever-logical brain just can’t grasp whatever thinking it is that leads to these bizarre and seemingly arbitrary decisions.

Anyhow, as for how I’m handling it all, I’d say I’m doing pretty well. I had most definitely not been doing well, but starting last night started to get clarity again. God is good. He is faithful. His timing is perfect, and there is a child waiting for us to claim him or her when that right timing comes.

After we got the news today I was reasonably calm. Tonight there were tears, and lots of them; but also a lot of Truth, and everything makes so much more sense when clothed in Truth.

I am discouraged in one sense and excited and encouraged in another. I refuse to give in to the self-pitiful lie that this whole adoption thing is going to have the same sad ending as all our attempts at conception. I have been very tempted to go down that path, but hope in God’s grace I can stand firm and remain encouraged that we truly will be parents and all of the difficulties we are experiencing are a part of the orchestration of God’s perfect timing.

Furthermore, I was reminded that the journey of life as a christian is far more about God and our relationship to Him than it is about me or the circumstances of life on earth. “…that now as always, Christ will be exalted in my body whether by life or by death.” (Phil. 1:20) It’s really about Him, not me. And of course the strangest part about all that is when I walk in that truth, there is peace and joy. I can’t wrap my brain around that, but fortunately, I can wrap my heart around it. And hold on tight, ’cause it’s obviously going to be a long and bumpy ride.