Jodi Speaks Her Mind

If life were only as easy as… 7/29/2004

I was talking with my nice-boss (not to be confused with my mean-boss) in his office when it came time for him to take a conference call. I offered to close the door on my way out so he could talk privately, but he said, “no, I’ll take care of it.” Now, why he’d want to get up from his desk where he had his lunch neatly spread out to cross the room to close the door when I’m standing right there at the door… my thoughts were interrupted as he presses some secret button under his desk, I hear a quiet click, and all of a sudden the door (a very large, heavy, wood door) is closing on me. He smiled as I slipped out of the room. Coooool. I’ve worked here for almost a year now and had never seen anyone do that before! I think he did it just to show off.

Somehow I doubt that it opens automatically, though. I’ll have to ask.

Finding my voice again (among other things) 7/28/2004

Sometime beginning around late 2000 and extending on into early-mid 2004 it would seem that someone absconded with darn near half my personality. It wasn’t a grand exodus, but it seeped away like a silent leak - largely unnoticed. Gradually I lost my zest for life, my energy and sense of adventure, the habit of laughing loudly and often, and worst of all - my joy. I began to realize it over time, but it didn’t seem within my power to bring it back. Eventually I lost optimism, a good degree of my hope, and - most frightening of all - I almost lost my faith.

Well, I now feel like I’m “back”. Like so many of those parts have been returned to me. They are not at all the same - I am not the same nor will I ever be the same person I was almost 5 years ago. But joy has once again found a resting place in my soul. Laughter has been heard and expressed more frequently in our home of late. Age, it seems, has not succeeded in its plot to convince me I was its slave from here on out. And not surprisingly to anyone who knows Him, God has been faithful - oh so faithful. My faith hit rock bottom but I’m more grateful than I even know how to express.

Some might be reading this and thinking, “I knew it! She’s finally pregnant! I knew God would come through for them!” But if that is where your mind went, then you’ve missed the point - as I missed it for most of the past 4 years. The point is not to get what you want. The point is to know that everything is perfect simply because it is His. It isn’t at all about me. Accepting that has freed me to embrace life again as it is or however it becomes. It doesn’t matter if you never get what you want. God is who He says He is and that is enough to make the world go around. My sense of “ok-ness” is no longer all about infertility or unemployment or migraines or whatever else might suck in life. I am not defined by my circumstances. I know who I am and I’d like finally to freely express myself.

So this should explain why I think I’ll post more now than I did in the past. I hope here on my blog I can be serious, funny, stupid, petty, deep, spiritual, or silly. I hope those who read will enjoy, but for the first time, I think I want to make it truly mine. I want to really be the girl who speaks her mind cause there’s a lot in there to be said!

All right already

Once you put something off, the longer you procrastinate, the less likely it seems that you’ll ever get around to doing it. Such has been the fate of Jodi’s poor, sad, weblog.

I intend to remedy that today and, hopefully, post more regularly on into the future. But, the truth of the matter is, I’m not a very good blogger. Actually, I pretty much suck at it. Someday, though, I hope to overcome this flaw, as I’m sure it is quite embarrassing to Steve, though he never really complains. He just drops the occasional “you should blog that, honey” request in the hopes that someday I will cease to suck at blogging or at least blog once or twice a year.

More coming soon. And I think I mean it this time. I’ll explain why in my next post.